My Biggest Fears: Paper Cuts

OMG.  The worst.

I feel like I am ultra-prone to papercuts or something because I have had some super knarly ones.  Paper cut from cardboard?  Had it.  Paper cut on my face?  Had it.  Paper cut that got infected?  Right here, baby.

Now I am ultra careful when it comes to shuffling paper, because I am not interested in anymore of the these awful little suckers.

Do.  Not.  Love.

My Biggest Fears: Big Dogs

I have actually made huge strides in getting over this fear, and have found a love for huge puppies…but still, every time a extra large dog comes running towards me, I get a small sinking feeling of pure fear in my stomach.

I’m not sure where this fear came from – I don’t have any traumatic experiences in my past involving dogs of any size, unlike Sister Singer who was bit right on the face by a big scary dog.  Maybe it’s sympathetic fear?

Regardless of where it came from, this little fear used to bad – I would get very very nervous around all dogs bigger than a chihuahua. 

I am pretty sure a visit at Aunt Delaware’s house with her Boxer named Sweet Andie (or just Andie, but I can’t say it without the Sweet in front) was what made me significantly more comfortable with big dogs.  Sweet Andie was so affectionate, and even though she was genuinely stronger than me – she was not aggressive, and didn’t hurt me (okay, she did actually leave a huge bruise on my leg from jumping on me – but it wasn’t malicious!).  I think all I needed was to actually spend some time with a big dog to move past my paralyzing fear.

It’s a good thing I have made peace with puppies of all sizes, because I’m pretty sure this is Handsome Husband’s vision of the future:

We’ll see about that.

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My Biggest Fears: Alzheimer's Disease

So this fear is totally acceptable, I think, considering how completely devastating it is to those who are affected by it.  (Though I'm not sure everyone is quite as neurotic as I am, in that they worry about this at least once a week.)

Alzheimer's Disease is the sixth-leading cause of death in the country, and the only cause of death in the top 10 that cannot be cured, prevented or even slowed.  To me, this is blood-curdling frightening.  The idea of your memories escaping you is petrifying and the fact that there is nothing we can do to help just makes it scarier.

Source

While I worry often about being afflicted with Alzheimer's myself, what really gets to me is the worry that those I am close to will develop the dementia-ridden disease.  Just thinking about looking into my mother's eyes and her not knowing who I am makes me want to cry.  Imagining Hat Dad missing pieces of his memory makes me sick to my stomach.

During clinicals, I worked with quite a few patients with dementia and Alzheimer's Disease.  It was so very sad to see the look in their family members' eyes when they would come visit and not be remembered.  It was heartbreaking, and it certainly contributed to my fear.

While there is no cure or even preventative treatment for Alzheimer's Disease, there are things you can do if this is one of your biggest fears too, or if your heart just breaks for those who've had to face this fear.  You can walk for Alzheimer's, advocate, and donate.  Educate yourself, and know the 10 signs of Alzheimer's.

I think one of the reasons this scares me the most (and probably the reason most fears affect me the way they do) is that there is genuinely nothing I can do about this.  I can walk for days, advocate all I want, donate my life's savings, and know all there is to know - I still can not prevent it from happening to me, my family, or anyone for that matter.  I don't have the control here, and giving up control is never easy.  All I can do is hope for the best, pray for a cure, and know that if I ever have to face this fear head-on that I will find the strength somewhere.

Are you personally affected by Alzheimer's Disease?  Share with me.  Tell me why it sucks, how much it hurts, how you deal with it, the ways in which you cope, the efforts you've made for the cause - tell me whatever you want, whatever helps you.

Statistics from Alzheimer's Association.

My Biggest Fears: Stairs

Another one of my biggest fears - tripping on the stairs.

I am always insanely nervous that I am going to trip down the stairs.  I have never actually taken a spill down stairs (quite a few trips up the stairs though - is that common?), but I am perpetually petrified of it.

I often start to trip and let of a terrified screech just to find myself entirely upright still.

Knock on wood (but not the stairs) that I will never actually find myself head-first at the bottom of a flight of stairs.

Source

PS - those winding staircases are the SCARIEST of all!

My Biggest Fears

I am starting a new series I’m calling “My Biggest Fears,” in which I plan to talk about my many (some illegitimate) fears.  I am a total Baby from Dirty Dancing in that “I’m scared of everything” (if you don’t know that quote, stop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and go rent the movie).

I wouldn’t call myself completely paranoid, but I definitely have my fair share of anxiety (Handsome Husband didn’t come up with the name “stress case” for nothing).  Some fears completely valid and probably pretty widely experienced – some not so much (every single time I’m in an elevator, I’m convinced it’s going to get stuck – something that’s never actually happened to me).

Today, I’d like to talk about a totally warranted fear – infertility. 

I have not yet ever tried to get pregnant, infertility does not run in my family, and I’ve shown no foreshadowing signs of having a problem, but this fear gives me major anxiety when I see how heartbreaking it is for families all over the world.

I have had lots of different dreams and goals for my future throughout my life, but one thing has always remained the same in my visions – I was a mother.  I’ve wanted to be a lawyer, a marketing executive, a teacher, a nurse, and many other careers I considered at a time or two, but these wants ebbed and flowed.  My dreams to have children have never faltered, and it is still a very ultimate life goal of mine.  Marrying Handsome Husband has only made this more of an essential in our future together – I can’t wait to see what our children will look like, who they’ll grow up to be, and how fatherhood will change HH.  (Note: this is not a post prefacing a pregnancy announcement anytime soon – a post on being a newlywed and everyone asking when babies will start arriving coming up soon!)

Maybe it’s because I have a girlfriend who is struggling to get pregnant right now, maybe it’s because it seems to more prevalent now than ever, I’m not completely certain why I am so afraid of the possibility of never being able to get pregnant and have a child naturally.

All I know is infertility is one of my biggest fears.

What are you afraid of?

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