Friday, September 20, 2013

A Scary Revelation

Want to know something scary I just realized?  (Though, sadly, it's been true since March 16, 2013.)

I am now closer to 30-years-old than I am to 20-years-old.
 
I often feel conflicted over aging.  Sometimes I feel excited about what life has brought me and continues to bring, and no where near worried or anxious about my age.  And then, sometimes...not so much.  Sometimes I feel worried that the years are going by too fast.  Worried that I won't have the time to do everything I want to.

I feel ashamed that I'm 25 (and a half) and don't have a Bachelor's Degree yet.  I feel anxious that in less than 5 years I'll be 30 and I don't want that to be true anymore.

I feel like I have lots (okay lots might be an overstatement) more babies to have, and I just want to be done before 35.  (Side note: No judgement for those who choose otherwise, whether voluntarily or due to health, financial or any other reasons.  My own Gardening Momma had kids in her late 30s.  'Tis a personal preference.)
 
Might be morbid, but every year I age is a year everyone else ages, and losing people that are important to me scares the living daylights out of me.  I don't want to know what that part of being a grown up feels like.
 
On the other hand, I'm so excited to be in the current stage of my life.  Blissfully and happily married to a man I love and can't get enough of.  Starting a family right around the time I always imagined.  Making memories in the home we worked so hard to buy.  Watching my younger sisters grow into young adults.  Witnessing the youngest generation of HH's family get bigger and bigger - with us adding a little lady to the mix now, too!  Working for an organization I respect, one where I feel valued, compensated appropriately, and important.  Having my relationship with my parents settle into a happy adult stage, something I never knew I wanted until it happened.
 
Here's hoping my 30s will be even better than my 20s. 
But the next 4 1/2 years don't need to fly by or anything.

3 comments:

Holly said...

I can completely relate!! I'm 25 and will be 26 in December. I, too, have thought about how I will be closer to 30 than 20!! I've never been one to worry about age, but as you said, that means everyone else is getting older, too, and things just change so much from this point on. It really is scary!

Julie said...

I'm going to be 32 soon and have not secured my dream job using my bachelor's degree. I'm hoping that changes soon!

Kate said...

Wait till you turn 28 and realize that you can no longer say you are in your mid 20's. Late 20's is a very scary and real thing but even though things arent completely where I would like them, they seem to be headed in the right direction! :)

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