Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Letter to Myself 10 Years From Now

Dear Casey in 2021,

I'm writing you so you remember exactly what you felt like in this time in your life.  It is such a dynamic time that I'm not sure you will ever again experience something this abounding again.

You are so immersed in your education and your goals in nursing.  You are so desperate to work (not for the money, but because it is what you know will give you fulfillment), that you will work as a Medical Assistant, a Receptionist, a CNA - anything to get your foot in the door and be around patients.  Twenty-five minutes of shadowing a nurse doing a well-baby check made you giddy for weeks, thinking of how that sweet little baby stopped whimpering because you held her hand, and how she smiled when you took her temperature.  School is so hard - physiology genuinely makes you want to cry every Tuesday and Thursday night (let alone the other 4 nights a week you spend studying for it).  Your professor drives you almost as crazy as your nursing school professors, and you hope it will help you to further hone your skills as a student rather than drive you to wanting to drop her class.  Pharmacology reminds you that you did learn something at The School That Won't Be Named (for their benefit), and that makes you feel good about yourself because you know you taught it to yourself.

You enjoy your family more than you ever have any other time in your life.  Your mother respects you for what you have done and what you're doing, and her respect is a gift with endless value.  Your father loves you and loves having you around - and you have never had more to talk to him about than you do now.  Sister Swimmer is so much fun to be around, and you get sad when she's not there to talk to and spend time with on the weekends.  Sister Singer is so enjoying her involvement in choir and drama, and it makes you happy to see her happy.  You miss talking to Bubby and feel overwhelmed by the amount of people who God has taken from your life in the past 2 years - more than that, you are scared for the people He will inevitably continue to take.

You have never felt so content and completely satisfied with your relationships with your friends.  You have learned not to rely on them, but to appreciate them; not to need to talk to them, but to want to; not to expect  them to call you, but to be excited to see their names on the caller ID.  

You are so very much in love.  You married Handsome Husband exactly one month and one day ago, and it was the happiest day of your life (as cliche as that sounds).  You never felt more love than you did that day, staring into the eyes of a man you've loved unconditionally for years (really, since he first noticed you dancing when you were 12 years old), surrounded by people who were nothing but happy for you.  Your relationship is far from perfect, but that's what makes it real - there are ups and downs and getting through them is what makes you have faith that you will always search for the light at the end of the tunnel when your world will inevitably become dim at times.  HH takes you for you, and loves all of you.  He thinks you're sexy and beautiful, and you hope he always will - through aging, and pregnancy, and fights, and everything else life will throw at you.  

You have so many more good days than bad that bad days are a rarity.  You remember times that it wasn't like this and you are quite certain there will be times when the bad starts to outweigh the good.  Knowing that it is possible to be this happy though, and that you once weren't and you got yourself here through perseverance and faith is what you hope will pull you through times to come that may be more populated by sadness than joy.  You love to complain, but you love your life, and everyone that is in it.  You are lucky and you know it, which is the best kind of lucky.

Lots of Love and Wishes for the Best,

Casey in 2011

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