Friday, September 7, 2012

Dating Advice from a Real Expert

I know nothing about dating. 

I went on my last first date when I was 20-years-old, with a man I had known since I was 12, who ended up becoming my husband.  I never met a guy in a bar, cause I wasn't old enough to go before I settled down.  I never lived with a guy and felt what it was like to move out after a break up, because the only man I've ever lived with is my husband (and our roomates).  I know nothing about dating.

Since I like my outcome,
here's how I got here.
 
Dating Tips by Stress Case
 
Make sure you meet him nice and young.  Before high school is best, that way you both know what your awkward stage looked like in person and not just embarassing pictures.
 
Get nice and love sick over him at the ripe 'ole age of 12.  But be sure he has no interest in you back, it will make for great stories.
 
Hit high school, and finally move the eff on.  Date lots of boys, have lots of fun, and pretend like you don't give an eff about him.  But be sure he notices you.
 
Keep in contact via AIM (good times on the AIM), even when you're both dating other people.  Cause you're "friends" and all.
 
After years of a casual friendship, become best friends practically overnight.
 
Be sure to tell him every.  single.  detail.  about other guys, stuff you would only tell you girlfriends, etc.  Stuff you would on average not tell a guy you were interested in.
 
Cry to him over other boys - makes him want you so bad.
 
When he leaves the country for a month, keep in touch...often times about other guys you are dating.
 
Somehow manage to have him still like you after all that, and finally give him a shot.
 
Start a long distance relationship, and drive to see him every weekend.  Think this makes you over eager?  No way!
 
Meet his entire family within two weeks of beginning to date.
 
After a month or so of dating, decide you're moving in with him, upon his invitation.  An invitation that may or not be extended by his roomate first, but bygones.
 
Move in with him after dating for 4 1/2 months, and if you're anything like me: you'll have a rock on your finger in another short 4 months. 
 

I know nothing about dating.

4 comments:

bailey j said...

this made me laugh.. a lot. im sharing this post with my readers today! should be up in half hour or less :)

Anonymous said...

love love love this blog, so funny!!

Katy said...

Good tips...most of these worked for me ;o) I met my husband in 8th grade (where we teased each other mercilessly) and we started dating in 11th grade and have been together ever since (we are currently 27).

tara said...

funny how similar this is to mine and hubby's dating story! :)

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