Monday, October 3, 2011

True Life: I'm Not Ready For Motherhood

Yesterday I joked a bit about being grateful for birth control after my weekend-long babysitting gig with Lil C.  Today, let's get real about what the weekend taught me.

Let's back it up a bit...I'm going to fess up to a little recent baby fever.  While I certainly don't think my sweet Handsome Husband and I have quite all of our ducks in a row, I still found myself daydreaming of little pink and blue blankets and teeny tiny clothes.

Well, this weekend was a reality check.

Let me get things straight first - Lil C was very well-behaved.  He was sweet, and cuddly, and so fun to watch play.  There were times even that I felt my baby fever heat up a bit - especially when he giggled (how cute is baby laughter?).

But then there was Saturday afternoon, where he cried for 45 minutes (inexplicably and somewhat uncontrollably) and completely threw a wrench in my plans to head to the grocery store while HH was out.  (The mothers reading this probably have the same reaction as Gardening Mom and MIL Red - they laughed out loud at me and told me babies don't care about your schedule.)

And there was the fact that no matter who texted me with fun suggestions of things to do over the weekend, my answer had to be no.

And the fact that I got a total of 11 hours of sleep over the weekend.

And the fact that each time Lil C went down for a nap or down for bed, I was so tired that I wanted to sleep too, but there were dishes to do, meals to cook, toys to pick up, and even more exhaustingly, homework and studying to do.

It wasn't all bad - and it wasn't all hard either.

But it was a little looksie into what my life would be like with the addition of little one.  I don't doubt my ability to do it - but I realized that right now, I'm not ready.

I want the freedom to pick up and go out at a moment's notice.

I want a good night's sleep when I need it.

I want to be alone with my husband.

I want the freedom that only comes with a certain time and place in your life - and that time for me (and HH) is now.

I love Lil C, and I do know that Handsome Hubs and I will have a minivan-full of crying, but sweet, little kiddos in time.  But if this weekend taught me one thing, it's that now is not that time.


Mingle 240

9 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

I'm pretty much at that same stage...excited for one day babies, but not quite yet.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Kudos to you for recognizing now's not the time. When the time is right, you'll know it. Enjoy your freedom! You have plenty of time before the biological clock starts ticking!

Eschelle said...

it is amazing how being with a child always turns into permanent B.C. lol.

I always tell my friends who want babies to watch my kids and then talk to me lol. But i started at 19 so i'm a special case. And I did laugh out loud when you talked about your schedule lol

LaNeshe said...

Hello from Mingle Monday! I've also had a bit of baby fever lately. It's good that you can recognize that you aren't ready yet, my hubby keeps having to remind me that we aren't lol

ms.composure said...

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Shellsea said...

haha! I'm a believer that nobody is ever "ready" for kids. And, I always had the opposite reaction when I watched other people's children. BUT, so true about a good night's sleep and going out at a moments notice or even a weeks notice! Big thank you for watching Lil C this past weekend! Going away for a weekend takes time, preparation, and someone you trust to love your child while your away! THANK YOU!

Sarah said...

hahah I know exactly how you feel! I've been talking a lot about babies lately with some friends who are moms and you can say I have a bit of baby fever, but being a nanny to three youngin's (lol) and really thinking about having a child now, I'm with you...so not ready yet! So like you said, thank goodness for birth control! haha

Emily said...

I'm 20 and newlywed — and this post was just what I needed. So often I get into the mentality of "what's next" and, because of that, I've had baby fever lately. But, in reality, I know now's not the time.

spanishsabores said...

Ahh I just turned 25 and still I'm not going to be ready for a long time! I just got married this summer and my husband is Spanish. Here in Spain people wait until they are in their 30s to get married so for their culture I am super young. Most don't have kids until 32-35 and even up to 40! It always seemed to late in life to me, but at the same time I am so excited to enjoy married life, freedom, building a career, traveling, etc. No kids for now please!!!

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