Let's back it up a bit...I'm going to fess up to a little recent baby fever. While I certainly don't think my sweet Handsome Husband and I have quite all of our ducks in a row, I still found myself daydreaming of little pink and blue blankets and teeny tiny clothes.
Well, this weekend was a reality check.
Let me get things straight first - Lil C was very well-behaved. He was sweet, and cuddly, and so fun to watch play. There were times even that I felt my baby fever heat up a bit - especially when he giggled (how cute is baby laughter?).
But then there was Saturday afternoon, where he cried for 45 minutes (inexplicably and somewhat uncontrollably) and completely threw a wrench in my plans to head to the grocery store while HH was out. (The mothers reading this probably have the same reaction as Gardening Mom and MIL Red - they laughed out loud at me and told me babies don't care about your schedule.)
And there was the fact that no matter who texted me with fun suggestions of things to do over the weekend, my answer had to be no.
And the fact that I got a total of 11 hours of sleep over the weekend.
And the fact that each time Lil C went down for a nap or down for bed, I was so tired that I wanted to sleep too, but there were dishes to do, meals to cook, toys to pick up, and even more exhaustingly, homework and studying to do.
It wasn't all bad - and it wasn't all hard either.
But it was a little looksie into what my life would be like with the addition of little one. I don't doubt my ability to do it - but I realized that right now, I'm not ready.
I want the freedom to pick up and go out at a moment's notice.
I want a good night's sleep when I need it.
I want to be alone with my husband.
I want the freedom that only comes with a certain time and place in your life - and that time for me (and HH) is now.
I love Lil C, and I do know that Handsome Hubs and I will have a minivan-full of crying, but sweet, little kiddos in time. But if this weekend taught me one thing, it's that now is not that time.