Monday, August 12, 2013

On Babymaking: Oops, I Spilled the Beans

This series of eight posts was written throughout our journey of trying to conceive our little New Years Baby. I am so glad I started writing from the very beginning, because I can look back and remember how I felt during this time. I remember feeling like every single person in the blogworld's story started out with something like "so we started trying, and much to my surprise, I got a positive test a few weeks later, and 9 months later we had a healthy baby!". While I by no means, suffered from infertility, our road to where we are now was not completely covered in rainbows and butterflies. There was anxiety, and sadness, and lots of worry. I know there are women out there who feel like less of a woman because they didn't get pregnant that very first month, and I know that because I am one of them. I hope that, in addition to great diary entries of what was going on in my mind at the time, maybe just one woman will relate to our story.

Post originally written December 12, 2012 (12-12-12 what what!), over a month after both of all these spilling the beans occurances actually happened, and over three months into our Babymakin'
Journey.  You can read previous posts on Babymaking HERE.

When my Handsome Husband and I decided to start giving babymakin' a try, we decided we were going to keep things on the DL.  This decision was made partly because it seems like that's what just about everyone does and for a few other reasons:

1. I didn't want to get asked monthly if I was knocked up.

2. I didn't want to hear any negative opinions on our decision, and you best believe I better not hear them if I am ever blessed to announce a pregnancy either.

3. I wanted the freedom to be able to change my mind on trying, without people wondering if we were having troubles or what the deal-io was.

So, we kept it quiet.
And it was way too hard.

Here's the thing about me: I'm a share-er.  I like to share.  I want to talk about my life with my friends, and it felt so inorganic to be making this huge decision without telling both my friends, and my ultimate best friend: my momma.

But I forged on in my journey of secrecy.  And then about two months in, I got drunk (clearly knowing I wasn't pregnant, y'all know I love to booze, but give me a little credit!)...and spilled the beans.  Multiple times.

Up first, was Gardening Momma:
Gardening Mom and I were on our way home from a Halloween Party, she was driving, when I brought up some things I had found out about my schooling.  (To make a very long story short: I was planning to take an online program to further my nursing education while my HH is in law school.  However, this online program that had a partnership with the state nursing board of California is no longer being accepted here, and I will be unable to do that particular program.  This means that my education is basically on hold until HH is done, because I need to be working and the nursing school programs around here do not offer evening or part-time programs, unfortunately.)

While explaining that to GM, I mentioned that the only good thing was that I didn't feel like I had to put starting a family on hold until I was done with school anymore (something I've felt in the past), because I'm certainly not waiting 4+ years.  Sidenote: there's nothing wrong with people that might want to wait until that age/stage in their life, but it has never been what I've wanted, nor my husband.

While she took the school news much better than I thought, then Gardening Mama then had a simple question that made me clam up:
"So when are you thinking of starting a family, then?"  
Well, what the hell could I say to that?  Was I going to look her in the eye and lie to her face?  No.  Did I mean to set myself up into having to spill the beans to her?  Also no.  I mumbled and fumbled a bit until finally saying something super eloquent along the lines of "pretty much now, or soon ish or, something, I dunno."  After further conversation, I did come clean and the secret was out.  The funny thing, we've really vaguely discussed since, but it's definitely not something we're chatting about on the reg.
Then, I started slowly and pretty much accidentally spilling the beans to my friendlies:
First, there was our Housewarming Party, where I somehow (I think 6 glasses of super strong party punch had something to do with it) ended up in my bathroom telling a huge group of my girlfriends how desperately I wanted to get pregnant (which isn't even true - the desperate part that is, I'm not there yet).  This was not how I intended (actually, I wasn't intending at all) to tell these special girls in my life that I was hoping for a big change coming soon, but it is what it is.
A few weeks later, while visiting Fashionista and Swagger up in the City of Angels, I let it slip there too.  That time I was actually not drinking (okay, who am I kidding, I was two glasses of wine deep, but I wasn't drunk!).  The deets of the convo are just a little too personal to get into (Fashion and Swag know what we were talking about!), but I inadvertently spit it out to excited cheers from my oldest friends.  I have to be honest with the fact they I really downplayed things to my girls (may or may not have used the expression "pulled the goalie") and it's sort of been haunting me ever since.  I mostly felt awkward about talking about active trying to get pregnant while in a bar, and it wasn't in my plan to discuss it in the first place!  

So that is how the word unintentionally got out about this little journey.
My hope is that soon I'll be telling people about an actual pregnancy!
I also wanted to point out that, in actuality, the first person to know about us officially "trying" was Tutor Girl, who I convided in months before as we considered the possibility, and who was a great pillar of support and advice.


Julie said...

When its our time i will be in the same shoes you are. But my problem will be jealousy from my sister in law if I announce at the "wrong" time for her (aka if she's announcing one) and if I never announce after a convo with my MIL a few days ago. I'm going to post about that soon to get people's opinions.

Danielle Douglas said...

you may have forgotten, you spilled the worry beans to me as well, missy! but then again, that was a super personal conversation!

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