Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Biggest Fears

I am starting a new series I’m calling “My Biggest Fears,” in which I plan to talk about my many (some illegitimate) fears.  I am a total Baby from Dirty Dancing in that “I’m scared of everything” (if you don’t know that quote, stop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and go rent the movie).

I wouldn’t call myself completely paranoid, but I definitely have my fair share of anxiety (Handsome Husband didn’t come up with the name “stress case” for nothing).  Some fears completely valid and probably pretty widely experienced – some not so much (every single time I’m in an elevator, I’m convinced it’s going to get stuck – something that’s never actually happened to me).

Today, I’d like to talk about a totally warranted fear – infertility. 

I have not yet ever tried to get pregnant, infertility does not run in my family, and I’ve shown no foreshadowing signs of having a problem, but this fear gives me major anxiety when I see how heartbreaking it is for families all over the world.

I have had lots of different dreams and goals for my future throughout my life, but one thing has always remained the same in my visions – I was a mother.  I’ve wanted to be a lawyer, a marketing executive, a teacher, a nurse, and many other careers I considered at a time or two, but these wants ebbed and flowed.  My dreams to have children have never faltered, and it is still a very ultimate life goal of mine.  Marrying Handsome Husband has only made this more of an essential in our future together – I can’t wait to see what our children will look like, who they’ll grow up to be, and how fatherhood will change HH.  (Note: this is not a post prefacing a pregnancy announcement anytime soon – a post on being a newlywed and everyone asking when babies will start arriving coming up soon!)

Maybe it’s because I have a girlfriend who is struggling to get pregnant right now, maybe it’s because it seems to more prevalent now than ever, I’m not completely certain why I am so afraid of the possibility of never being able to get pregnant and have a child naturally.

All I know is infertility is one of my biggest fears.

What are you afraid of?

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Shellsea said...

I felt every moment of what you said. I was always heartbroken thinking that I may not have the chance to be a mom. That fear subsided in October of 2009 when I was blessed with pregnancy. But, it led me to want to be a foster parent one day. Something I still want to do.

Poekitten said...

That's a fear that I am struggling with at the moment. DH & I are praying that I will become pregnant soon however it looks like I am going to need help with that:( We're trusting God for this one!

Marcie Chavez said...

A lot of people share this same fear. I had one friend who took 8 months to get pregnant, and she went through a lot of anxiety, but it finally happened for her after careful charting temps and cervical mucus. I have another friend who has been trying for two years and just discovered her husband has no sperm. She's looking at embryo adoption or regular adoption. Thankfully we live in a time with tons of options - clomid, IVF, embryo adoption, regular adoption, etc. And there are TONS of support communities and groups out there!

Casey said...

Being a foster parent takes a very strong woman - I bet you'd be great! So glad you were blessed with Lil C, too!

Casey said...

I'm so sorry you're going through that - I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts!

Casey said...

@Marcie Chavez
That is true - at least there are a lot of options in case this fear were to become a reality.

Julia said...

This was a fear of mine too, before we began trying to conceive. It did take us awhile, but then---twins!

Just so you know---infertility is not, in most cases, hereditary (years of being and adoption social worker).

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